I'm not in a relationship right now, but years ago when I was in my early twenties, I was involved with a man who was very good at taking me in hand in little ways. I'm not a submissive woman, but with this man I found myself wanting to be submissive, almost as if I was compelled in some way to be submissive to him. He was always very gentle with me; he never raised his voice to me in anger, but he could be very stern at times.

He could settle me down with just a look or a few quietly spoken words. Most men I would have challenged, but whenever he gave me that look and his tone took on that firm, quiet authority, I always submitted to him. So odd, because it's so totally out of character for me to submit – ever! I think that is why I fell in love with him: finally, a man that I couldn't run roughshod right over. He and I never discussed the dynamics of our relationship. I had never heard of Loveawake, or DD, or any of those labels. It just seemed natural for him to lead and for me to follow. Although he did spank me a time or two...it wasn't a common occurrence, mainly because it wasn't necessary: the ‘look’ and that stern tone of voice worked so well on me for him.

I'm one of those women who could be called a tester. It's not really a conscious thing, it just seems to be in my nature to test and see how far a man will let me push him. When I was a young woman, I didn't realize that I did it, but now, I recognize the behavior for what it is. It's my way of separating the men from the boys, so to speak. One thing that I've noticed is that when I exhibit this behavior with a man, if he reacts in a firm manner with me, I stop the behavior immediately. That's not to say that I won't ever test him again, but I won't test him as often as I would the average guy.

This particular ex-boyfriend had my number and he knew exactly how to handle me. I was so aware of him as a man and of me as a woman when we were together. I've never felt as feminine as I did when I was with him. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me, his strength, his protectiveness – everything about him made me melt like warm butter. I wanted to crawl inside him; I couldn't get close enough. That's what it feels like to me – to be taken in hand... so thoroughly taken in hand.

As I said, he didn't spank me often, but I did notice that he patted my bottom a lot, and for some reason that made me feel submissive to him. I'm not sure why, but it did. I think maybe it's because I knew instinctively that those pats could become spanks if I wasn't careful. LOL! There were so many little things that he did that made me aware of his control, and thus made me feel submissive to him. This may sound odd to some, but even the way that he would pick me up and so gently lay me down on the bed when he was going to make love with me made me feel so feminine and submissive. The feel of his powerful body on top of mine, and that pure male look of possession in his eyes when he took me left me in no doubt that I belonged to him. I gave to him what I've never been able to give any man before or since – my full and complete surrender. I hope that one day, I'll experience that wonderful feeling again with a special man.

Like you, I think many women are "testers" too...even the ones who are not into relationships. I think some women test more than others though. As for the relationship that I spoke about...I'm sorry that it didn't work out too. He was in the military and because he was in Special Forces he was out of the country most of the time...it averaged out to about 8 months out of the year. We dated for 5 years off and on, but he wouldn't get married because he had already had one marriage dissolve because he was gone so much. He was honest with me and never led me on...I knew from the start that he was gone alot and that he didn't feel that his job was conducive to marriage. I loved him, so I enjoyed what time that I could have with him, but eventually, he and I both realized that I needed more than he felt he could give me at the time...so we went our separate ways. I moved on with my life, but he stayed in my heart. Sometimes that's just how life and love works out. Thank you for your kind words.

I never realized I was testing a guy until recently. I used to chew them up and spit them out, so to speak, until I came across this really strong guy, who did not mince his words, did not pretend, said what he thought - and I just melted. I do think, that I am a strong woman and appreciate a strong personality in a guy.... someone who is at least as strong as I am and who can handle me, sees through me, and knows how to guide my moods. I have nothing against spanking, but isn't it so much exciting to be drawn in line with a gesture or a few words?

You are so right, Laura! Society is beating the dominance out of men legally, and I saw it happen right before my eyes with my late partner. I believe that he was a dominant male who had been beaten down by a harridan of a wife - later ex-wife - who used the court system to harass and torment him. He had so much anger churning within, and I believe that in the end, he took to heart the messages he had been receiving for so long...that he was a "bad man." And he turned his anger against himself. If only he had known that it would be fine to take me totally in hand - as I'm sure he needed to - early on in our relationship. I believe that his own dominance would not have died such a premature death, our relationship would have been even stronger, and he might be alive today.